Under the Gumbo-Limbo Tree

Dramatis Personae:

PB: Oh, Cathy Ray Tube, the appliance of my eye 
TV: Oh, Potato Bill, place your tuber before mine 
GL: My chlorophyll's less filling
    than that mind-rot that you're swilling 
TV: I can chase away the dark
    Whereas all you've got is bark
    You are less than an event
    Why don't you just get bent 
GL: I'd relieve his turgor pressure 
TV: But I give him guiltless pleasure 
GL: I could make his troubles fade
    In the arms of my sweet shade
    But he falls for the deception
    Of your glorious reception 
GL: I can't believe he really wants her 
TV: Here's a message from our sponsor 
PB: Oh, darling, please don't take
    yet one more commercial break

--REMOTE CONTROL CHANNEL FLIP-- 
--FLIP FLIP FLIP FLIP--

TV: No wait!  Please, won't you slow down. 
PB: Something better must be found
    I am never satisfied
    'Til every channel has been tried
    I must search in each direction
    For some name brand connection 
TV: I can feel my cathodes curving
    From your endless channel surfing
    This endless RC signal load
    Must soon cease or I'll explode 
GL: I am feeling slightly slighted
    As my love goes unrequited
    She's a cable ready Venus
    And an advertising genius
    My arms are scratching at the window
    But you think it's just the wind
    Oh..... 
PB: What this?  Another boring sitcom? 
TV: Hey not so fast that hurts you nincom-- 
PB: Poop!  What's that?  A docu-drama? 
TV: How 'bout a game show with a llama? 
PB: Just one channel's not enough! 
TV: Darling please don't be so rough! 
PB: Show me more! 
TV: I'm getting sore! 
PB: Thrill me!  Thrill me! 
TV: Stop!  You'll kill me! 
PB: Give me more vavoom! 
TV: I'm afraid I'll just go

          --BOOM!!--

PB: My darling say we'll never part 
TV: Idiot!  I hope you cut yourself horribly on the jagged shards
            of the remnants of the picture tube of my heart 
PB: It seems that love's flourescent flicker
    Has snicked its final snicker 
PB: I can't believe my love is dead 
GL: You're better off without that airwave head 
PB: Empty without my MTV
    I no longer wish to be
    This fatal fickle flipping finger
    Must at last lie still and linger
    May the angels hear my plea
    I'll tie myself to yonder tree 
GL: Oh joy!  At last we'll be together!
    We'll be married with a tether! 
PB: How could I have been such a fool?
    Now I'll just kick away the stool... 
GL: Although you wobble and you dangle
    I will love you as you strangle 
PB: I think that I shall never see
    A poem as lovely as...  <gack>  TV.